do people still use this thing?
is anyone reading this?

everytime i need to do something really important, i end up doing anything except that one important thing i need to do.

insomnia.
what can i do about it?

:O
i've been SOCIAL lately. which should really be a good thing.
i went drinking on tuesday. we drove to the beach. bev dragged me into the MENS BATHROOM. for the second time -_- geez, she gets tipsy easily. it was pretty funny though >_>

both times i've tried to go to uni to do work i ended up doing other stuff >_>
yesterday i went to hand in assignment, which i did. then i went shopping and bought boots with two friends. >___>
today i went to uni to study and ended up just hanging out with other friends and we ended up watching a movie >__>
we saw sunshine... i think thats what it was called....it was ok. movie turned WEIRD around the end. totally random stuff started happening.
I NEED TO STUDY!

i have a terrible headache -_-

i'm getting sick. either its a cold or some sort of icky allergy.
fuck i hate being sick. i have the immune system of a rock. i've finished one of my assignments. i'm not going to bed until i've done at least half of my essay. 1250 words. ick. on the bright side. only four days to go before holidays. i'm actually worring about something i don't want to think about, or it'll depress me and i won't have the energy to do my stupid work. its fucking stupid but if i get pissed off at something or upset over something it pretty much shuts me down. but isn't that just an excuse not to do stuff? probably. i have no excuses.

this is officially my worst day of uni ever.
i lost my usb drive early this morning SOMEWHERE on campus. it was the only place i had my essays and assignments on it. ( I KNOW PEOPLE. I JUST BACK IT UP SOMEWHERE ELSE). . . .
i also had no money all day cause i forgot my eftpos card. and it was raining since the night before. i was wet and cold and never did find my usb thing -_- i managed to get a few days extensions on two of the things i had due tomorrow and monday. the other one i just couldn't track down the course coordinator so i'm pretty much fucked.
what am i saying, i'm fucked anyway. i have to start from scratch. .............. blah.
you know whats funny though. i don't feel as stressed out about this as you'd think. not as stressed as i was.... a while ago anyway -__-
at least i'm fully intact.

question:

does it make you a coward if you kill yourself?

edit: i'm curious, not suicidal.

can you miss something you never had to begin with?

how can i look like i've gotten FATTER. but infact i have lost weight? because i thoguht i had gained weight i looked at the scale and i have lost a few kgs? i'm about 46-47kg now.. whats with that? i dont think i'm being paranoid by thinking i look like i've gotten fatter, its not just a girl thing... well. whatever..

so i have holiday now, summer holiday till the end of feb. i really dont have much to do but i'm looking for a job -_-
i went out last saturday for a friends bday. we went to two clubs and my friend made me wear her high heel boots cause i had no other shoes. i was better off going without any shoes cause the boots really killed my feet. my legs hurt now too -_- we were dancing for five hours (and i dont/cant dance -_-) . well, i had fun. bev is making me go out again on thursday but i just dont wanna go -___- i've got some stuff to do this week. god i hate christmas. i want a new game but i cant afford it, i bought kingdom hearts 2 and finished it in a few days. and its not even a game i want to play again right now. i liked the first one better. the ending was too sad for my tastes. i also saw pirates of the caribbean 2, that ending sucked too.
i had jury duty today, but luckly i didn't have to stay, i was so glad i could leave early, if i would have had to stay it was a 5 day trial about some weirdo importing drugs. hmmm... i need to do stuff.
i'm really lazy with updating here. its .. a bit annoying to update on here...

i've been lazy with my lj again, sort of cant be bothered updating. but maybe i will more soon. in a week my exams will be over and i'll be on summer holidays. all the way till march i'll have free time, even though i'll look for a job i'll still have lots of free time. time to be a geek and play games and read manga and watch anime >_>
but besides that im gonna do lots more stuff in the holidays, i think i might keep track of it by posting on here whenever i do something NEW!
i posted a while ago earlier this year with suggestions for stuff i should do, and i'll read those again cause i didn't do them yet XD but i'm asking again.
WHAT THINGS SHOULD I DO IN MY HOLIDAY!? you can say whatever but try to suggest something REALISTC that i'd do too XD not just something like GO TO AUS AND SEX VINNIE. cause i know thats what you were gonna suggest sir. i can READ YOUR MIND!

happy birthday to me :o
i am 21 now.

angry.

i dont want to die. i dont really care about dying. but i dont want to live. so what do i do.

you know its weird but i feel like i have noone to talk to anymore :O i know i can talk to a lot of you who will read this and think 'what? she can talk to me whenever she likes' but .. its just a weird feeling >_> so much has changed with a lot of people, i guess stuffs changed with me too. just blah -__- i really can't talk to anyone anymore and its sad.

everyone list one thing i should do. anything at all.

O__O
well, my holidays are over. i passed all my classes last semester. i got three Bs anad one C+ i was fucking amazed i passed chem. o_o
i have three bio classes this semester and one psych class. each bio class has a three hour lab, it'll be BLAH. and for my animal bio class i have to disect things... i really dont mind it in general but we have to cut up WORMS and LOCUSTS. and thats just FUCKING EW. i dont even want to TOUCH those things. we have to cut up rats and fish too, those are ok but the worms...... ugh.. i dunno how i'm gonna manage that and my first lab for that is on wednesday... ugggghhhh thats just so EW. i am SO not looking forward to it. i dont mind learning about that stuff i could even handle watching someone else do it but i really dont wanna do it myself >_< AHHHH and i HAVE to do it... i cant miss my labs or i fail the class.
this semester is going to suck. wish i could do the genetics class instead. /me cries
and i woke up at 7am, something i haven't done in months, cause i have 9am classes now. feel like i haven't slept enough, i need to eat too. blah. -_-

exams are over and so is all that stress. so, what should i do in my holidays? i feel the need to do something productive or it feels like i'm wasting time. and wasting time is something i do a lot of and i DONT WANNA DO IT ANYMORE. i dont know what im saying really, i never do anymore. but i need stuff to do. i bought resident evil 4 which is fun. i need more games. oh, i gotta B for one of my bio classes! one class i passed at least. i dunno about the other classes, the world is slow at marking, takes them two weeks. -_- school is really horrible. (dont say i shouldn't go if its that horrible.) >_>

SLEEPING PILLS.
I WANT SLEEPING PILLS GOD DAMNIT.

i was so looking forward to my chem exam being over, now i dunno when that'll be -_________- exam was postponed due to whole city not having power for hours -_____________-
i guess this gives me more time to study but i hate chem >_<
and i hardly slept yesterday. i hardly sleep at all these days -_-